Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Pulling at my heart strings....

In my sixth grade science classes, students are presenting on a genetic or inherited disease. They put in a lot of work and effort to wow me with their technological and intellectual abilities.
These presentations are amazing and full of important information, although I find myself tearing up during each one.
I know what some of these children and parents have been through. The feedings, surgeries, hospital stays, etc. In 85% of the presentations, I found myself telling students that Payton has that or had that done to her. In the stories they shared about the trial and error to find the right diagnosis is right up our alley.
Anyway, I just feel like these presentations are a great way for students to see what others have to go through and to count their blessings. They are so lucky they have a "normal" life. Pray for cures and hope for all those affected by things they can't control over the holidays!

Hug and kiss the ones you love the most! Here's one of mine!


Sunday, October 30, 2011

Mistakes have been made....

Happy HALLOWEEN everyone!

What do adults do on Halloween? Well, usually they get a babysitter and go out with friends to celebrate a time of the year when you can dress up as something or someone e
lse for a couple of hours.

Well, I did just that last night. I can say I had a good time, but there were some bumps in the road of celebration.

Which leads me to my topic for tonight....Mistakes

Sometimes people have problems and make mistakes. Everyone of us can say that statement is true. BUT...when we make mistakes, especially when we make them more than once or numerous times, people have a hard time supporting or wanting to be around us. We are all quick to judge (I do it too) and tell people what they should do about it. We think that if someone has a problem and is telling you about it, then a solution must be expressed. Well,
sometimes it would be nice to hear, "I know you and your family is dealing with this right now and if you want any help I will be there for you."

That plays true to more than one situation in my life right now. I feel that my family is doing the best they can and our love for one another will trump. Patience and understanding are what build friendships and relationships.

I know I have made mistakes with Payton's health and I do wish I could take bad forgetting to hook her up at night because I am so freakin' tired that I can't pull myself out of bed to complete the 15 min. chore. I know that is so horrible and I stress about it for days after. I
justify my actions by telling myself she ate well that day (which she did) but she still needs those feedings for extra calories. Sometimes we all make mistakes and wishing them back won't help the situation. My husband is the only one who truly understand what it feels like to feel resentment toward Payton at night when we wake up at midnight and she isn't hooked up because we fell asleep. It isn't her fault.....but it is what we have to deal with and we are not perfect and don't pretend to be. It is just human nature to feel resentment toward something you don't like to do, but have too.

Someone very close to me has some mistakes to overcome right now as well. They have a good soul and their love runs deep. I wish I could justify their actions, but it is only one person's problem, theirs. Will their family be there to provide love, patience and understanding, YES....but they will know that this is not our problem but theirs.

One can't help someone until that someone wants help.

Until life style changes are made, things will not change. Won't it be nice if you told that to someone and they make the life adjustments and became the person you thought they should be???

Sorry, life doesn't work that way. God only gives us what we can handle. How much can you stand to deal with before you wash your hands of people with problems. I know GOD gave me a lot of understanding and patience for certa
in people in my life that need my help, patience and understanding. That doesn't mean I don't lose patience and faith in people sometimes, but I also reflect on what kind of person I am and how important love and understanding are. God puts people into your life and you into others lives for a reason. Embrace the challenge and let your love shine.

It would be so nice if we were all conditioned to learn from our mistakes the first time and never do it again. Sometimes it takes making a mistake several times with different severity to make the changes. Do people get hurt a long the way, well sure, but one can't dwell on that. Once changes have been made and mistakes aren't being repeated numerous times, the ones left standing next to you are the ones that GOD gave to you to be in your life.

ps....learn to listen to others problems. Don't give so many damn solutions, but offer support and comforting words. "Let me know if you need anything, do you want to do lunch to talk?, etc."

Of course, these are my opinions and are subject to change. :)

Monday, October 24, 2011


Well I can honesty say that I am now taking my life hour by hour. I can't do the day by day anymore because it is too long and there are too many things to deal with.
I have a little girl that was diagnosed with RSS or Russell Silver Syndrome. We have been through a lot and we continue to deal with different situations on a daily basis. She is the cutest little girl you have ever seen. She is full of life and has a fire behind her eyes. She was lucky enough to get a little brother when she was 19 mons. old. She did great transitioning to her new brother and now that he is 9 months old, Brandon and I are blessed as parents that they are best friends.
Right now I am trying hard to become a good parent to her. She has to deal with everything I say that Brandon and I are "dealing with." We try to help her, but she has to experience it first hand.
I want to take her pain away and cast it all onto myself. I wish things worked that way.
God will only deal use a hand we can handle and that same goes for Payton. She continues to struggle with her weight.
Right now we are trying to experience a fasting hypoglycemia attack and take her to the ER for testing.
My anxiety is on full alert while I wait for this next step of testing for Payton. I often second guess myself and think that I should just stop all the testing and let her be, BUT what if this testing would show something that would help her feel better and stop the feedings and her different emotional states.
Brandon and I go by our gut and the love that we have for Payton in our hearts. We haven't regretted any decision that we have made so far and we will continue to be a team and make the decisions that we think is right for our family.
Each and everyday my life is filled with so much love for my family that I feel my heart might explode. Little hands and lips feeling and kissing my face is the best feeling in the world. When Payton wraps her hands around my neck and kisses me is my favorite thing in the world right now. Weston snuggles his little head into the crock of my neck and breathes softly. My husband and I call each several times thoughout the day just to say Hi and I love you!
Who could ask for more? Not me :)
iN tHe EyEs Of JiLl