Well I can honesty say that I am now taking my life hour by hour. I can't do the day by day anymore because it is too long and there are too many things to deal with.
I have a little girl that was diagnosed with RSS or Russell Silver Syndrome. We have been through a lot and we continue to deal with different situations on a daily basis. She is the cutest little girl you have ever seen. She is full of life and has a fire behind her eyes. She was lucky enough to get a little brother when she was 19 mons. old. She did great transitioning to her new brother and now that he is 9 months old, Brandon and I are blessed as parents that they are best friends.
Right now I am trying hard to become a good parent to her. She has to deal with everything I say that Brandon and I are "dealing with." We try to help her, but she has to experience it first hand.
I want to take her pain away and cast it all onto myself. I wish things worked that way.
God will only deal use a hand we can handle and that same goes for Payton. She continues to struggle with her weight.
Right now we are trying to experience a fasting hypoglycemia attack and take her to the ER for testing.
My anxiety is on full alert while I wait for this next step of testing for Payton. I often second guess myself and think that I should just stop all the testing and let her be, BUT what if this testing would show something that would help her feel better and stop the feedings and her different emotional states.
Brandon and I go by our gut and the love that we have for Payton in our hearts. We haven't regretted any decision that we have made so far and we will continue to be a team and make the decisions that we think is right for our family.
Each and everyday my life is filled with so much love for my family that I feel my heart might explode. Little hands and lips feeling and kissing my face is the best feeling in the world. When Payton wraps her hands around my neck and kisses me is my favorite thing in the world right now. Weston snuggles his little head into the crock of my neck and breathes softly. My husband and I call each several times thoughout the day just to say Hi and I love you!
Who could ask for more? Not me :)
iN tHe EyEs Of JiLl